A Whirlwind Weekend, part three

More than Friday's meeting, more than Sunday's message, I have been dreading Monday morning's surgery for weeks. It's rather pathetic, I suppose. It's not like I had heart surgery or anything. It was really quite minimal. It was oral surgery. Yet, even the term "oral surgery" possibly makes it sound bigger than it is.

I had my four wisdom teeth extracted. It sounds like such a small thing. They're only teeth. As a child, your teeth just fall out. Others may be pulled for various reasons, but nonetheless... No one sweats over these.

Except me. I have never had a single surgery in my entire life. I've never had anesthesia or an IV shoved into my arm. These are all firsts. And I've been terrified over many a horror story about dry sockets, the condition that occurs by any number of actions that keep the blood clotting to take after the surgery. Dry sockets, I have heard, make you very ill for a up to a couple weeks. All this in addition to the typical dietary restrictions that follow the procedure.

I suppose it is the inconvenience of it all that has peaked the most anxiety in me. Though they say it takes a good four days to recover from the surgery (the second and third are supposed to be the worst in pain, stiffness, and swelling) and begin eating somewhat normally, I am planning on returning to work on Wednesday evening. I want and need to get back to work. On top of that, I have a ton of classwork that has been accumulating. If I got dry sockets and became ill for a couple weeks, this would be an even greater setback.

But now that I've covered all my fears leading up to the surgery, I can celebrate that it actually went very well. Though I could still lose my clotting and get dry sockets, the surgery itself was a breeze. Dr. Zak gestured to the bag of IV solution and said, "This is not the anaesthetic. It will only make you smile and feel good, but that's it for now." He walked away, and BOOM! I was out. The next thing I new, I was sitting on a couch in another room as my wife and daughters joined around me and I was apparently attempting to sign something to my wife.

Piece of cake. No nausea. My mouth didn't even hurt. By that afternoon, I really felt pretty good. And now on day two, I am amazed that this has gone as well as it has. I don't feel sick, yet I am forced to sit, reading and watching movies. These are pretty cool days.


I wonder why I am so prone to fear and worry. I mean, it's not like I am consumed with such things. But all of us: We get so needlessly worked up over things that are really pretty small. I wonder how my fear--be it of preaching on Sunday or of surgery on Monday--reflects my view of God. My perception of his power and his goodness. The problem with me isn't so much how I see his power. I believe he is all-mighty and sovereign and can accomplish anything he wills. My problem isn't even his goodness. I believe he is. At least generally speaking. I guess where I wrestle is in how his goodness manifests itself in my own life. How much his goodness is personal. How much it's for me.

So days like these are really good for my understanding of God's blessings. This weekend has had some pretty incredible and challenging events. And my nerves have peaked in a couple different ways. And yet on the other side of each of them, I have found myself quite thankful. I have found myself standing before a God who is full of both lively adventure and blessed calm.


At least until I get dry sockets.

A Whirlwind Weekend, part two

Okay, I really have to watch myself here. I just don't have much time to write on this, but I know that I have to say something about it. Everyone keeps asking us how Sunday went, so here it is.

Sunday morning Justina and I went to West Hills Community Church in Westmont. I have been in contact with their elders and am being considered as a possible pastoral candidate. So this Sunday I was invited to come out and preach.

The morning before, everything was looking really good. I had my message prepared several days in advance and was just trying to wait on God and go into this thing prayed up with an open mind. However Saturday night as I was looking over my sermon, I realized something just didn't fit. Logically it wasn't working. This is in addition to the fact that I realized it was about 20 minutes longer than my given timeframe. This threw me all in a frenzy. And though it would seem easily fixed, I labored all evening and kept running into roadblocks.

Now you must understand, this is very difficult for me. I like everything ready and prepared. Especially for something really important, like when near-candidating for a church I would really like to pastor. This adds extra pressure to not mess this thing up by not being prepared. Though 24 hours earlier, I was calm, collected, and confident, I had become a bit of a wreck. I don't really get nervous about teaching and preaching, but here, all of a sudden, I was completely terrified. I had visions of blowing this thing. Of getting up there and this thing just exploding in my face. And, of course, of losing a chance at this opportunity to pastor that I would really like to have.

But then the unexpected: As I looked over my notes one last time in the parking lot, it all just snapped back together right in place. I entered the building and felt right at home. I joined the community in some really heart-felt worship (which is often times difficult for me). And as I walked up to the podium, I felt calm. As I spoke, it all just flowed out. And it seemed to flow well. As I prayed and rejoined the congregation, I just felt this overwhelming and divine presence surround me. I felt God's blessing. I felt his peace.

Now I don't' know if this means I will be the new pastor at West Hills. There is much more to the story than what is listed here. This is a church that has nearly run out of people. There are little resources, and the budget-to-income comparison may be in danger. But the people that are left are a great group of individuals dedicated to rolling up their sleeves and making this thing work. Before showing up I wasn't sure what to expect on a number of different levels ... because nearly all ministries have ceased due to lack of resources. I was expecting worship with 80s choruses to a single piano. And we left our girls with friends since I was unsure about children's programming. But to our surprise the worship was really good. Something almost as well put together at Bethel's Powerhouse band. And they did indeed have something for children, so next time (?) we will bring our girls. Anyway, I'm running into the potential of getting off track and making this more than you and I have time for.

I'm not sure what will happen with West Hills. As I said there are many issues to work though. Many questions on both their end and mine. They aren't even sure they are going to take on a new pastor. They may surrender everything to the denomination for a church restart or enter some sort of "merger" with a larger church. But if things keep progressing, you'll doubtlessly hear more. Though I'm sure from what I've told you so far, you are wondering what on earth I would want to take a spot like this. But I see almost innumerable opportunities in this community. And I'm not going to lie: the risk really excites me.

I'm getting off track again. I was supposed to end this thing.

So let me just say this. Sunday was brilliant. I wasn't sure what to expect, and I was more than a little freaked out as it neared. But as I sat in God's presence, he blessed. I guess I just want to testify as to how great it is to be in his hand. And I pray that I will continually learn to yield myself to his care. I look forward to the ride ahead. This journey of faith can be really terrifying and discouraging at times. But it is also really refreshing. I love his freshness.

And then I had oral surgery the next day. Stay tuned for part three.